i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
