i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize