It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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