Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
