i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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