got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
