They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
