Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
