.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
