it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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