My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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