My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
