speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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