I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
