Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
