a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
