now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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