What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
