He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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