I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
