She said her name was "party"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Text me some of your sweat
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