So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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