and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
