About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
