A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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