the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
