Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
