he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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