Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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