after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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