i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
