I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
