I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
