In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
