everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
