last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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