Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
