the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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