There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
