I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
