no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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