Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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