i just wanna soil my oats bro
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
