I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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