I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
