The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
