Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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