maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i drank out of a bidet.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
