im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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