dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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