i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
