you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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