New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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