I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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