it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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