My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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