We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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