I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
