Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
